12 weeks later. birdie update.

September 13, 2013

posted on september 13th. written when she was 12 weeks. oops.

i mean look at that face! all the updates and any issues just don't matter at all. but since i wanted to document birdie's beginning very thoroughly, here we go in all the details...

-though she never had an issue with her initial latch and positioning, she never established a rhythm. she was deemed a lazy eater. even weeks later. she was just too comfortable and no amount of jostling or nakedness or cold compresses would wake her! she was just too cozy on me.
-since she was just 5 perfect pounds and 12 little ounces to begin with, losing 10 ounces within the first 3 days was significant enough for the docs to recommend supplementing with formula by the 4th day. side note- since she was only 2 ounces over the 5 pound cut off to send us home from the hospital on the 3rd day, they had to do a simulated carseat test! thankfully, she passed.
-her jaundice caused her to be on the bili light therapy for 5 days. she looked like a robot! her jaundice cleared within a week, yay!
-her acid reflex really started up within the first couple of weeks. poor thing would work so hard to eat and then ended up spitting up a huge amount. the acid would hurt her so much that she would get so fussy before each spit up episode... several per feed and 8 feeds a day.
-she was then put on gentleease formula which is a little easier to digest than the regular formula. she was also prescribed zantac. a few weeks later, when that didn't help, we started on nutramigen (a hypoallergenic formula) and stopped the zantac for two weeks until we could see the pediatric gi. he was most worried about her weight so he first upped the amount of calories per ounce (20 to 24). to help keep more of her feeds down, he told us to add rice cereal to help thicken it in her stomach. to help with her pain, he prescribed an acid blocker- omeprazole.
-after two weeks of no change, we scheduled an upper gi series to make sure there were no abnormalities within her esophagus. there weren't which was such a relief!
-she was put on baby erythromycin last thursday which supposedly helps with gi motility, so we shall see... seems like a lot of medicine to flow through a wee one's tiny body, so not sure how comfortable i will be keeping her on these for more than a couple of weeks if they're not helping. {9/13 update: took her off baby erythromycin within a few days of that since it wasn't helping. after a few weeks of switching her to earth's best formula and the omeprazole, the pain seemed much better! completely off meds at 6 months.}
-she started daycare when she was almost 11 weeks, february 18th 2013. {auntie shi shi's birthday!}

11 weeks later. mom update.

February 20, 2013

the first few weeks of postpartum was a bit rough. my body was just a wreck. there were times i felt nothing was going right. some "highlights"....

breastfeeding recap.
-low milk supply- less than an ounce at the beginning and maxed out at two ounces on a good day.
-got on prescription reglan to increase my supply. it didn't work.
-for a few weeks, i was breastfeeding, supplementing and pumping for each feed. eight feeds a day. i couldn't fully enjoy birdie. serious baby blues set in. postpartum depression was around the corner (but thankfully never came).
-after the lactation consultant, the ob and the pediatrician all told me to strongly consider exclusively feeding her formula, i decided to completely wean. martin luther king day was the last day i breastfed, and i cherished every second. nina was about 7 weeks old.
-while weaning, i got mastitis on the left side. feeding with mastitis and while your nipples are raw is real pain!
*it's a month after weaning, and i still feel defeated every single day. i was able to nourish her when she was growing inside, but i failed once she was here. it was/is devastating to me. when i was pregnant, breastfeeding was the one thing i was so anxious about not being able to do successfully.  i even had a couple of nightmares about it. maybe that was a self fulfilling prophecy. maybe my body and her lazy latch were just not meant to be. whatever it was, in the end, i'm happy i was able to provide her at least some liquid gold for the first few weeks. and i'm sure these pangs of guilt will subside...

down there recap.
-the first poop after delivery made me laugh at those contraction pains. seriously. i've never experienced pain like that. next time, i'll be on stool softeners for a few weeks leading up to delivery. 11 weeks later, and things still aren't back to normal. yeow.
-what i thought was a yeast infection was really just leftover lining irritating my down there. wha?
-my third degree tear is a badge of honor. seriously. my down there will never be the same. and i'm ok with that. and might even consider doing it again. that's love, people.
-no need to talk about the pain related to the act that made nina possible. but i'm told it will subside with practice. wink.
-got my period exactly 11 weeks later. time to start trying again. i'm sooooo kidding.

fitness recap.
-no recap to be told.
-i've worked out here and there, but with birdie's acid reflux issues, working out has taken a back seat. at 11 weeks, i have 10-12 pounds left to lose. not awful.
-the bad news: my favorite skinny jeans that i was obsessed with don't fit anymore.
-the better news: every other piece of clothing does. barely. but i'm calling that a win.
-it took almost 10 months to grow her. i was so proud of my baby bump. and i'm ok with it taking that long to get my body back.

i just read these recaps. they sound a bit grim. but i just wanted to get all this down for the record. for all the hurdles, the only thing that matters is that she is the perfect addition to our family. she makes us all so happy every minute of every day.

nina lakshmi payne

January 27, 2013

written december 19, 2012.

nina is two weeks old today! we've been taking it one feeding at a time, one nap at a time, and one diaper at a time. we're still overwhelmed, exhausted, giddy and completely in love with our little ladybird. she's a sweet and perfect little bundle of love.


december 4, 2012
10.10p: water broke while watching parenthood. david and i looked at each other in disbelief. i thought i might have peed by accident, but david knew right away what happened. i called the doctor who told us to go to the hospital but to take our time. we took about an hour to take a shower and gather all our stuff (luckily, we were pretty prepared) and called judy & mike to come watch bella overnight and be closer to the hospital. we were so speechless and jittery the whole time and in complete disbelief! throughout my pregnancy, i was just so sure my water wouldn't break, and i'd labor at home for ahwile through contractions. my type a personality was not prepared for all this!
11.30p: we were admitted to the hospital at 3-4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. i didn't start feeling contractions right away, but once i had all the precautionary needles in me, i started feeling them- around midnight. at first, i walked around the halls hoping that would progress the labor. then the pain started to get pretty heavy and intense and after throwing up and not being able to cope through them myself, i requested an epidural. STAT!

december 5, 2012
4.30a: i got the epidural when i was 6-7 cm, and it was the most amazing and crazy thing to almost instantly not feel that intense pain. i really wanted to be able to work through the pain for longer and was initially a little disappointed that i couldn't hack it, but i was pretty happy to have that sweet relief as soon it hit me. plus it ended up being invaluable with the pain that would've accompanied that third degree tear.... read on. after the relief, david and i tried to get some rest which is pretty difficult with all that adrenaline pumping through you!
7.15a: my parents got to the hospital and hung out with me while we became more and more anxious!
8.45a: the doc on call (dr. kleiss) came in while david left to get some breakfast and checked me and said i was 10cm and ready to push! what?! i was so ready to hear these words all night, and all of the sudden i was so scared. i frantically called david back. i've never needed him right next to me more than that minute. he was back in a flash. poor guy didn't even get his breakfast. i pushed three or four good pushes with david, my mom and the nurse until she crowned. then dr. kleiss came back in and worried us all by freaking out that the heartbeat was way down and thought the cord was wrapped around the neck. she was yelling at all the nurses for all these different things, and i was freaking out. i can't remember the last time i was so scared. but she instantly pulled out the vaccuum tool and within two pushes...
9.09a nina was born!
they took her away immediately because they were worried about her, but within a few minutes david brought her to me and i can't even describe the moment. it's blurry and hard to remember, but it felt like the room stood still, and i was in love. this little being that we created was laying on top of me instead of curled up inside me, and i was just so overwhelemed. two weeks later, and i still am! we were both in awe. tears of love and joy flowed.
i only had a few minutes with her on me, and she was back with the nurses and i was being sewn up. 45 minutes later, the doctor finished the stitches. with the quickness of the delivery combined with the vaccuum, i had a third degree tear and was thankful for that epidural. else, they'd just have local anesthesia that wouldn't have been nearly as effective. and that wasn't the time to feel anything but euphoric about nina. after another couple of hours of her getting her first bath and all her tests and trying breastfeeding, we were transported to the recovery room.

i was in the hospital until friday, december 7th. we had all of our family plus jackie, cheryl and anne come to visit. it was all just so perfect. and then they sent us home and forgot to send the manual with us...

plus three (part 4)

December 19, 2012

april 11, 2012

me: hello, i'd like to schedule an appointment..er...uhm.. i've had a few positive pregnancy tests, so... er, umm.. i'm just calling to see what the next steps are?
nurse: when was your last period?
me: march 14th
nurse: k hang on, let me see what we have available for your 8-10 week checkup
me: wait, i don't come in for a blood test to be sure?
nurse: nope, you have a normal history and no reason for concern, so we're good with the tests. we can just go with your positive pregnancy tests. [puts me on hold]
me: [quiet mind freak out moment- i thought i'd need a blood test to be sure sure! so now this is real? and we're doing this? and peeing on a stick with positive results just sealed my fate forever?!?! ok calm down, this is real. this is happening. you've been trying for this. omg! omg! omg! you're going to be a mom. that's scary! d's going to be a dad! that's trippy! WHHHOOOOOAAAA!
nurse: ok, how's may 17th at 10a?
me: uhm, ok if you think i don't need to come in any earlier, that will work.
nurse: great, we'll see you then. you can call back if you have any questions.
me: is there anything i should or shouldn't be doing between now and then?
nurse: don't drink or smoke and continue to exercise & eat well. other than that, we can go through more details during your visit. have a great day.

so, that's it! i'm pregnant! 6 tests over the past 4 days have confirmed it. after 6 months of trying, here we are. the funny thing is while we did everything at the right time this month, i didn't take any of the usual precautions. i didn't eat particularly well. i fell off my exercise routine a bit. i brought back drinking into my life. especially in kiawah. i drank a ton because i was sure it just wouldn't happen this month. i even frolicked in the hot tub. i just honestly didn't think about it. between crazy times at work and the kiawah trip, the two week wait came and went in a flash. in a muscle-relaxer induced sleep, i crawled out of bed on sunday morning thinking this is usually the time i test, so guess i should go ahead and try. after 3 minutes, i squinted my eyes and saw a faint second line indicating pregnancy. i immediately called d who was stunned and speechless! i met him for lunch, and we were surprisingly silent. i think we were just taking it all in. it's wednesday and things have started to sink into our minds. very, very, very slowly!

we're still cautious about telling the world even though there's a weird part of me that wants to tell everyone i know! i think i'll start leaking the news after we hear the heartbeat.

le bebe, that's the story of the beginning of the beginning. you're just a mere poppyseed right now. but you're already creating so much beautiful chaos and joy! oh the places we'll go......

plus three (part 3)

march 2, 2012

so as predicted, no dice last month. we just completed our 5th cycle of trying for junior le bebe. i started the basal body temperature method (taking your temperature every morning before getting out of bed) a couple of weeks ago before aunt flow reared her fugly head. mostly to make sure my hormone levels were functioning properly but honestly it's so cool to see the chart at different part of your cycle. pre-ovulation, your temperatures remain low and post-ovulation they spike until aunt flow. after just two weeks, it's hard to tell, but mine seem a little wonky. i have a general lower & higher pattern, but my post-ovulation temps slowly rise instead of spiking. i don't know if a- this is a pattern or if i'm just  having an odd month and b- if it's even abnormal to have a slow rise instead of a spike. either way, i'll continue charting until i get sick of it. seems like a lot of women find it to be a pain, but i actually find it really fascinating. our bodies are like one big magic trick to me. when my besties start trying for kids, i'll probably recommend this method + the opk method if they're up for it.

this two week wait is becoming easier every month. i've had enough cycles under my belt to know how my body reacts throughout the cycle. i'm still a little more on edge during this time, but i think it's getting better & better. i don't jump at every pang like i did the first couple of months. and i'll call that progress.

funny things during this baby making ride....
-the concept in general is weird. for your entire life, you're trying not to have get pregnant. and then once you decide you want to have a kid, you toss out all caution, and go for it and in just one cycle everything's different. you go from having anxiety attacks about a late period to being optimistic & giddy about a late period... from elated to see aunt flow to genuinely bummed to see her. such an engrained mentality changes literally overnight. it's wild.
-i've always been pretty aware of & comfortable with my body. but never to this extent! i feel for cervical mucus & position like it's as normal as peeing.
- because i've asked dr. google questions and read several womens' experiences on other sites, i'm familiar with so many new-to-me acronyms. my favorite are tww (two week wait), bd (baby dancing) and dh (dear husband. that one kills me!)
-the big O now stands for ovulation.