the first few weeks of postpartum was a bit rough. my body was just a wreck. there were times i felt nothing was going right. some "highlights"....
breastfeeding recap.
-low milk supply- less than an ounce at the beginning and maxed out at two ounces on a good day.
-got on prescription reglan to increase my supply. it didn't work.
-for a few weeks, i was breastfeeding, supplementing and pumping for each feed. eight feeds a day. i couldn't fully enjoy birdie. serious baby blues set in. postpartum depression was around the corner (but thankfully never came).
-after the lactation consultant, the ob and the pediatrician all told me to strongly consider exclusively feeding her formula, i decided to completely wean. martin luther king day was the last day i breastfed, and i cherished every second. nina was about 7 weeks old.
-while weaning, i got mastitis on the left side. feeding with mastitis and while your nipples are raw is real pain!
*it's a month after weaning, and i still feel defeated every single day. i was able to nourish her when she was growing inside, but i failed once she was here. it was/is devastating to me. when i was pregnant, breastfeeding was the one thing i was so anxious about not being able to do successfully. i even had a couple of nightmares about it. maybe that was a self fulfilling prophecy. maybe my body and her lazy latch were just not meant to be. whatever it was, in the end, i'm happy i was able to provide her at least some liquid gold for the first few weeks. and i'm sure these pangs of guilt will subside...
down there recap.
-the first poop after delivery made me laugh at those contraction pains. seriously. i've never experienced pain like that. next time, i'll be on stool softeners for a few weeks leading up to delivery. 11 weeks later, and things still aren't back to normal. yeow.
-what i thought was a yeast infection was really just leftover lining irritating my down there. wha?
-my third degree tear is a badge of honor. seriously. my down there will never be the same. and i'm ok with that. and might even consider doing it again. that's love, people.
-no need to talk about the pain related to the act that made nina possible. but i'm told it will subside with practice. wink.
-got my period exactly 11 weeks later. time to start trying again. i'm sooooo kidding.
fitness recap.
-no recap to be told.
-i've worked out here and there, but with birdie's acid reflux issues, working out has taken a back seat. at 11 weeks, i have 10-12 pounds left to lose. not awful.
-the bad news: my favorite skinny jeans that i was obsessed with don't fit anymore.
-the better news: every other piece of clothing does. barely. but i'm calling that a win.
-it took almost 10 months to grow her. i was so proud of my baby bump. and i'm ok with it taking that long to get my body back.
i just read these recaps. they sound a bit grim. but i just wanted to get all this down for the record. for all the hurdles, the only thing that matters is that she is the perfect addition to our family. she makes us all so happy every minute of every day.
hey radhi... i'm sorry it's been a rough start. i think that's really common with the moms i've known. i did want to say - if you're feeling up to it, whitney may be a good person to talk to. her area at work used to be infant and young child nutrition, so years before even becoming a mom she used to work on breastfeeding programs overseas. you couldn't have found a bigger advocate. and then her experience with asa was almost entirely that of yours with nina - it wasn't working for them, and was adding more stress than benefit. she weaned him completely after a couple of months. she really came to peace with it. i hate to hear that you're feeling devastated - bf is just one of a myriad variables determining kids' health and wellbeing. i've heard both my mom and saleena say on multiple occasions that the zealotry around bf these days can be detrimental.
ReplyDeleteyou guys are amazing and your little girl is gorgeous and so lucky to have such great parents. glad to hear you're taking care of yourself - that's pretty much the best gift you can give her.
much love.
indira... thanks so much for your sweet & encouraging comment! i actually spoke with saleena, and she was definitely very supportive. my ob, pediatrician and lactation consultant were all extremely encouraging and positive as well. most importantly, david has been a complete rockstar husband and dad. so i'm lucky that i have/had tons of support. it's definitely getting easier especially when i think rationally about it! it's when i linger in my own thoughts when i get in trouble. i'm getting so much better each day, but if i find myself lingering more than i ought to, i'll contact whitney- thanks for letting me know about our shared experience. above all, the little bird is healthy & growing as she should and is the best thing that's happen to our family.
Delete:) Real talk
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